Fired by Batman
by deletedid
Summary: Stephanie goes back to working for RangeMan only to get fired. Some Lemons and lots of Plum fun.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. I'm only borrowing.

A/N: I started writing fanfics...yesterday. I started my first one called Tastykakes and HoneyBuns meaning for it to be all light hearted fun. Since it was my first try at writing I didn't know how things can take an unexpected turn. Its going to pick up with more humor later but right now it's a little serious. I wanted to try something different so this is not the same story line at all. Enjoy!

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Stephanie's POV

I hadn't slept all night. Again. I think it was my third night straight with no sleep but honestly I was losing count. Why wasn't I sleeping? I hadn't caught a skip in two months. My savings account was empty and my checking account was so far over-drafted that I'm pretty sure the next step would be to simply sign my life over to Trenton National.

Catching skips is, of course, a necessity but it didn't always used to be so crucial. I was working at least part time at RangeMan and I had a sizeable amount of padding in my savings.

All this changed about a two months ago when Lula badgered me to invest in a business scheme that was sure to make us rich quick. She must have slipped me stupid pills that day because I invested half of my savings without really researching the investment. All I knew was it was something related to the adult-entertainment industry. Since I still blush when I even think about using my vibrator I didn't really want to know what my money was funding. I wish I would have looked into it even a little since what I ended up putting half my livelihood into was edible condoms.

Thing could have been worse though. I still had some money saved and with that and the extra money I was picking up working at RangeMan I was still able to put food on the table for my roommate and myself. My situation was made further better by the fact that Rex only ate about 3 carrots a day and I had honed my diet down to three tastykakes for breakfast one peanut butter and olive sandwich for lunch and my mom's cooking for dinner. The whole dinner at my parents house thing had resulted in a few extra stress pimples but it had made our cost of living pretty low. Things were smooth sailing for about a month.

My easy street pretty much dead ended when Ranger and I got into another disagreement about my carrying a gun. It was all very complicated. He thought I should carry and I thought I shouldn't. Hmm. I guess it isn't that complicated. The argument was one we had before. About a zillion times.

But it had never been so bad as the day I got fired.

If ever I thought there was one job I couldn't get fired from it was my cushy desk job at RangeMan. The hours were easy, the perks were fan-fucking-tastic and it seemed that I got rewarded for getting company cars exploded. When I got my Jeep bombed they gave me a Toyota. When the Toyota got flame-throwered I got a BMW. When the BMW went to take a spin in the bottom of a river I got a Porsche!

I suppose I could have the job back now if I wanted it since the month-long firing Ranger and I agreed upon was up but damned if I wasn't too embarrassed.

The day I got fired I had taken a break from sorting files behind my desk to go apprehend and re-process Harriet Virgin. Harriet, who prefers Harrie, was arrested by my friend Eddie Gazarra for public nudity and lewd conduct when she was caught in a rather compromising position with my cousin Vinnie and, you guesssed it, a duck down by the lake one night. She had pled not guilty but between the feathers sticking out of her mouth in the mug shot and the Vinnie sticking out of_ her_ (YUCK!) when Eddie found them in the bushes it was abundantly clear that Harrie Virgin was anything but innocent.

I picked Lula up at the bonds office that morning to take her with me since she got giddy at riding in the Porsche. Even Harrie seemed not to mind being apprehended if she got to ride to the police station embraced by the plush leather seats...until Lula opened her mouth.

I guess what I forgot to mention is that Harrie Virgin, despite the police arrest, blatant incriminating evidence stacked against her and subsequent conviction, claimed to live up to her name sake. She swore up and down that she could still wear white on her wedding day and got malicious if anyone said otherwise.

The Porsche was humming with tension. Lula was practically bursting out of her seat and her bright red velvet warm-ups that looked painted onto her dainty size 22 figure with unasked questions. She looked like Santa's ho ho ho. She finally exploded with curiosity "So what's a virgin like you doing fucking a duck and a weasel down by the lake? I guess this makes you the ugly fuckling." No one ever accused Lula of being subtle. I prayed to whatever god would humor me to make her stop and save us all a lot of misery but she didn't stop there. "If you go on a triple date who foots the _bill_?!" I was doing my best not to laugh but a little giggle escaped.

Lula on the other hand was cracking herself up. Her huge brown breasts were bouncing with her laughter and threatening to suffocate her. "If one of them goes too far who cries _fowl_?" It was so stupid that I burst out laughing and suddenly the cozy interior of the Porsche was filled with riotous laughter and...that was weird. It sounded like someone screaming.

Harrie was out of her seat and choking Lula screeching "I am a VIRGIN you fat whore!" Harrie was squeezing Lula's throat as hard as she could but Lula just kept right on laughing. I guess Harrie couldn't really get her hands around Lula's neck so her attempted murder probably felt more like a pleasant neck massage.

I pulled over to the side of the road to get a handle on the situation. By the time I reached the shoulder the massage had escalated to Harrie pulling Lula's hair and Lula trying to massage Harrie's face.

"Enough!" I tried yelling above them.

Nothing.

"I said ENOUGH!"

Still nothing.

I looked in my bag for my gun. Not to use it obviously but just to make an impression. It wasn't there. Dammit! I left it in the cookie jar again. I reached for the next best thing. The only reason I didn't pull out my stun gun before was it wasn't like a gun where you could just threaten without ever really meaning to use it. Once you pulled out a stun gun someone was getting stunned and more often than not it ended up being me. Not today. I had the element of surprise. They were so wrapped up in the choking that I actually had a shot at this working out in my favor. I had a firm grip on the taser and just as I raised it to Harrie's neck Lula jerked suddenly and I caught her on her too-big-to-choke-neck. She shook for a second then started to drool.

Harrie turned on me with the realization of what I was trying to do in her eyes. "You bitch!" She knocked the stun gun out of my hands and it landed in the center console. Right between the two of us. We both reached for it at the same moment and I knew I would get to it first. After all virgins are always the last to get what they want.

"Babe."

Shit. I had gone blind. I could hear him but I would never see his smile again. I would never see his muscles dance under his skin as he hovered above me. I started to cry. "Ranger!" I sobbed hysterically. "I'm too young to go blind!"

I thought I heard him laugh but since I was blind there was no way to know for sure. "Open your eyes Babe." Hmph. He made it sound so easy. If I could just open my eyes I would...Oh wait, I could just open my eyes. The left one popped open first but the right was really a struggle. Ranger swam in my vision and slowly became clear just inches in front of my face. Thank god I wasn't really blind. He was so fucking hot. Without thinking I closed the distance between us to lay a quick kiss on his full lips. I pulled back to lay my head on the grass just as he wiped a hand across his mouth.

That bastard wiped my kiss away! I accused him of as much only to have him laugh at me. Yep, it was for sure a laugh this time. I could see it with my own two eyes.

"It wasn't your kiss I wiped away. It was drool. It's all over your face Babe."

I tried to raise my right hand to my face to test this drool theory only to find it hand-cuffed to something. I followed the line of my arm down to where my hand was connected to a pedestrian crossing sign. That's funny. From down here it looked like the guy on the sign was lying down. At least the sign would warn people of our presence. There was another pair of cuffs connected to the same sign and that pair of cuffs was connected to Santa's ho. Lula was still out and sure enough there was a Rio Grande of drool flowing from her mouth out onto the grass.

Shit.

I heard something rustle. I looked back at Ranger to see that his chuckle had turned into a full blown guffaw. His shoulders were shaking and his eyes were tearing up with his still somewhat silent laughter.

Fucking Virgin.

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A/N: I think I might update this one again before Tastykakes. Let me know what yall think of this new story line and I'll update first whichever yall like best. I might only be able to work on one at a time during the school week but I'm really enjoying this so I'll do my best to keep you guys updated :)


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